Day 12 – Promises Piss Me Off!
I vividly remember my childhood. I have a very good memory, and I remember everything I shouldn’t. Sometimes I get flashes in my mind, things that didn’t make sense, some still don’t. Anyway, back to promises and childhood. Back then, a promise was something that meant something. Even the children knew not to break their promises, and would put aside everything to do what they promised, no matter how clever, cunning, or innocent they were. A promise was a promise, no one went back on it. It helped us trust each other and know that if the other kid/friend promised to do something, they would do it.
Back in school, when we misbehaved, got caught, and said “I’m sorry,” our teacher would say, “Don’t say sorry. Don’t Apologise. I’m sorry means I’ll do it again.” We were just kids, but she was right. We didn’t really mean we’d do it again, but we ended up doing it again. That’s how children are, and it’s okay, but what my teacher said still resonates in me. What’s the point of apologising when you are going to do the same thing again? Children didn’t know they were going to do it again, whatever it was, but the teacher did. Sorries probably pissed her off, like promises piss me off.
I’ve been promised a lot of things. Promises gave me hope. With an imagination like mine, promises came with flashes. Like when someone promised me that they were going to send me on a trip, I could actually see it happen. I could see and feel everything already, from booking the tickets, applying for the visa, checking in, the flight, the hotel, my room, exploring around, etc. And when the person failed to keep their promise, it came with a lot of disappointment because there was so much I’d already been looking forward to. This is just one instance, but the broken promises have been many. Now a promise is a big ‘Fuck You!’ to me. If someone promises me something, I get mad. Promises annoy me. I don’t wanna hear them. Because after all those broken promises, I don’t want new promises anymore. It’s like all those broken promises have become wounds, and when someone promises something now, it’s like they’re spraying salt and chilli all over those wounds. It doesn’t hurt or anything. It is simply infuriating. I don’t wanna hear promises anymore and I don’t want to know how good a plan someone has for me. I don’t care and I don’t wanna hear. You know what? Don’t promise. You wanna do something for me, do it! Don’t tell me in advance, unless absolutely necessary, like absolutely you-need-to-sign-a-paper necessary. Do it and I’ll see. It’s safe that way. Why have unprotected sex with someone and ask them to wait for three months so they can see for themselves than you’re clean? Why not get tested and bring the results? Don’t promise, show it!
I get it, the world is a shitty place and things do not always go as planned. I get it that you’re a human being and human beings make mistakes. I get it, I do. I understand, too. But I have no room for promises in my life. Now when people make promises to me, I interrupt them mid-sentence. No sir, I don’t wanna hear it, thank you! I’m glad you want to do something good for me but I don’t need to hear it right now. Why promise, like, honestly, why? To show that you mean well? To show that you want to do something? See, meaning well and making plans doesn’t really do anything, except harm, unless you’re actually able to fulfil your promises.