Day 20 – Hating the Bed
Right now, I’m more blank than I’ve ever been. I have no idea what to write about, and my day was quite uneventful. I spent most of my time sleeping. I feel utterly useless, too. Damn, I need more energy. One thing is for sure, the tiredness caused by depression doesn’t go away whether you take Red Bull, Gatorade, or Panadol Extra. I mean, damn it, Panadol Extra is loaded with caffeine, man! But I can’t ignore the fact that I was up pretty much all night and half the day too, I think. Does that look like I’m making it all up? It does, but I’m not making anything up. My days are lame because I’m either sleeping or working.
I’ve got a can of Blue Diamond’s roasted almonds, barbecue flavour. They suck. I love roasted almonds but these have a tacky sweet taste. I think I feel somewhat better, but I’ll go back to feeling like shit once I take another anti-biotic. I need to take 3 more for this course. The only good thing that has come out of all this is that I haven’t smoked much. I bought a pack of cigarettes on Saturday and I still have a cig or two left in it. Maybe that’s what’s messing me up, no? Cigarette withdrawal? Lol!
I’ve been wanting to quit smoking, but how do you quit it when it’s your coping mechanism? Instead of dealing with things, I smoke.
When I’m happy, I smoke.
When I’m mad, I smoke.
When I’m angry, I smoke a lot.
When I’m pissed, I smoke even more.
And so on… You get the idea, yeah?
Now I’ve got work to do so I gotta get going. Not 500 words but at least I wrote something. Besides, like I said, I’m pretty damn sick so that justifies it.
Off I go now,