Day 22 – Politeness is Overrated!

by Owaiz


I’m better. No rant today. Here’s an interesting event though:

Yesterday I went to get some nachos. I love nachos and can tell good nachos from bad nachos, yeah. I don’t like cheese, and like to have my nachos with salsa and jalapeños. There’s this store close by that I frequent, chiefly because they have everything I want, from chilled cold-drinks to imported products, along with novelty items. Yesterday, I found vanilla flavoured CocaCola. It was pretty good, like CocaCola with vanilla essence added to it. I also found cherry CocaCola next to CocaCola cherry. I’ve tried CocaCola cherry before and love it, so I decided to get the cherry CocaCola. Turns out that the difference is only in the name and packaging. Shocker!

Back to nachos. Yes, anyway, I like that store and have bought nachos from there before as well. They probably have some of the best nachos and the cheese dip they serve is really good too. Except, it all sucked yesterday. I went to get some nachos and discovered that they only have 2 types of servings: (a) the middle sized serving that only comes with nachos and cheese (again, I don’t like nachos with cheese, and (b) the large sized serving with nachos, cheese, salsa, and jalapeños. Since I only wanted nachos with salsa and jalapeños, I had to get the large serving. I told the guy I want more jalapeños, so imagine my shock when I received 5 tiny pieces. I told him to add more and he added 3 more tiny pieces. I was like WTF, but the polite person that I am, I said thank you and left. (Okay, I didn’t say thank you. But I left.) With my CocaCola cans in one hand and the tray with nachos in the other, I went back to my car, turned on the music (this is a Muslim mourning month, so I thought why not piss some holy people off with music. Why not, yeah?, and took a bite of the first nachos. Here’s how I eat nachos:

First, I just eat the nacho as is to taste the nacho.

Then I dip the nacho in cheese, because, well, I paid for it.

Then I dip a nacho in salsa and eat it.

Then I have a nacho with jalapeño.

Then I just have a jalapeño.

Then I have a nacho with everything.

Then I eat like I like, nachos with salsa and jalapeños.

Anyway, when I took the first bite, it sucked. Left an awful aftertaste. So I dipped it in the salsa and got an even worse taste. I wondered if I’d forgotten what nachos are like or what, because whatever I was eating was gross in every way possible. The salsa had an acrid taste. I tried smelling it but, given that I have flu, I didn’t trust my sense of smell. I tried, tried, and tried, and decided to return it.

I went back and told the guy who served them that something was wrong with the nachos and that the salsa was stale. I’m not good at talking in real life, so, this is how it went:

Me: Something’s wrong with this. The nachos taste bad and the salsa is stale.

Moron: No, this is how they always are.

Me: Here, try this. (I dipped a nacho in the salsa and told him to try it.)

Of course, I was already offended when he said no. You stupid fuck, I tried the nacho, and when I say it’s stale, I mean it. I’m not crazy enough to walk all the way back to you from my car for no reason at all. Although my car was parked right next to the shop, it is not easy to turn off the car, unlock it, get off, carry nachos, open the door, shut the door, lock it again, etc., so, yeah, I wouldn’t go all the way back for no reason.

Moron: Yeah, the salsa is a bit stale.

Me: And I used to get more jalapeños. Everyone serves more jalapeños. What’s with 8 tiny slices, huh?

Moron: Oh, actually we are out of jalapeños.

Me: Okay… Listen, dude, do you know why I bought the large serving and not the medium one? Because I don’t like cheese, and I want nachos with jalapeños and salsa. And you gave me neither. The nachos are goddamned awful, the salsa is stale, and you are out of jalapeños. What do you propose I do?

Moron: Eat them with cheese.

Me: I paid the full price, did I not? Did you serve like you are supposed to? No! What do you propose?

Moron: The other guy is not here atm, he will be back soon. I’ll talk to him.

Me: Okay, I’ll be back in 10.

When I went back, this other Mickey Mouse lookalike was there. I narrated the entire story and did not get a single apology. Instead, insolently, I was told that they will change the salsa. This guy was an asshole. I’m a bigger asshole. You can’t out-asshole me. Asshole opened another salsa bottle.

Me: Put it in a new tray.

Asshole: *stares*

Me: Change the nachos too. They’re contaminated, you put them in the drawer. And you touched them.

Asshole: okay.

Me: Change everything. I want everything fresh.

Asshole hastily put together another serving for me with salsa dripping from the sides.

I took that back to my car and tried. I didn’t like it. It was annoying. Everything was annoying. How can someone be so rude? Is that anyway to treat your customers, huh? Damn it!

I tried eating the damned nachos again while driving. Didn’t like ’em one bit. Still as awful. I turned the car around and went back. Told him everything sucks.

Me: I want a refund.

Asshole: We don’t do refunds.

Me: Fine, keep this. (I left the tray on the counter)

Then I asked the cashier to call the manager. He did. I spoke to the manager. The manager told me that the nachos stall has nothing to do with the store and they were on contract with them. I told him I don’t care. The only reason I buy nachos from that place is because it is inside their store and I’ve had good experience shopping here. If they serve bad nachos, my experience is bad and I won’t visit their shop again. The manager told me he’d look into it and gave me the number of the manager of the nachos guys, a.k.a Moron and Asshole.

So I called the assholes manager, irate, and told him what happened. He gave me lengthy explanation of how the nachos taste bad when they are called, salsa expires when they store it in a jar, and people waste jalapeños so they serve less (even though the moron told me they were out of jalapeños). Anyway, he told me to go back and get a full refund. He probably called the asshole after that.

When I went back, I told the asshole that I spoke to his manager and he said I can get a refund, so I want one. Guess what happened next?

The asshole picked another tray and added nachos to it. So, I reiterated, ‘I want a refund.’ The asshole looked at me, nodded, and proceeded to add the cheese dip thingy into the tray. So, finally, I had to ask him to stop. Then, I said, I want my money back. Apparently, he didn’t know what refund meant, because, he said, ‘Oh, I thought you wanted more nachos.’

I was like WHAT THE FUCK! After being served nachos twice and returning them, why would I want a third serving? Apparently the asshole was also a moron.

Anyway, I got the refund.

Lesson: You can do anything if you try. Politeness is overrated. Be an asshole, don’t be assholed.

Here’s to the asshole!

Have a good one!